In a split second

Last week Sunday, I experienced something that I hope I'll never experience again. I thought my baby girl died. The minute the thought that my baby girl was gone made my heart fall into a bottomless pit. I pray no parent will encounter this awful feeling.

The day before: we went to Victoria's Highland Games. What a difference a split second can make!

Rewind 20 minutes: our girl had just woken up from a lovely 2 and a half hour nap. She had been fighting a fever for the last few days, and on this particular afternoon, she was smiling and giggling. Something we had not really seen for a few days - and playing peekaboo allowed us to hear her hearty laugh. What a relief! We wanted to take advantage of the glorious weather we were having, and decided to take a family walk.

Five minutes later - all chaos ensued. My little girl started crying in her stroller and promptly started seizing, I carried her home. Upon inspection, her lips turned blue - and so was the rest of her body.


What was going on? What were we supposed to do? What's happening?

Que Sera Sera: What will be will be

Happy belated mothers day to all the lovely mothers, caregivers, aunts, and women of this world who live, breathe and love children.  

Ok, time to cue reality. Motherhood can be a challenge, depending on how you look at it. It's not always as rosy as my opening line - especially with so many things on the go. Rest assured, I haven't forgotten about this blog... It's, like I said, been busy. I think all moms understand that it's so easy for the days to go by without realizing that a month has actually passed. A month.


We've had lots going on here. Let me make a quick list:
-The job hunt: this includes spending hours in front of the computer, going out to networking events, exams, and interviews. I've had a total of 2 interviews, 5 one on one network sessions, a job fair, 4 exams and more hours than I can count in the last 30 days. 


-My role as a mom: spending sweet, sweet moments with my girl is so important to me. One example of a sweet moment was seeing her say "bye bye" to her big poop this morning. I wish I had a selfie stick to document every single moment.

The best kisses come from my daughter!

-Visitors: we are a popular house! We are thankful that there are so many people that want to stay/spend time with us. Just recently, we had two friends from the Netherlands who stayed with us for five nights. 

Our Dutch 'Hutspot' Dinner prepared by our guests!

-Exercising: hubby and I are committed to getting into shape. Not only to feel good, but to be physically stronger. We've been doing this pretty consistently since February and the results are showing! I was able to get back into my pre-wedding and pre-baby (YES!) jeans.


-Reading and writing other stuff: good news - the end is near for a book that I've been working for the past 10 months with fellow Catholic mom-bloggers. It's called Love Rebel: Reclaiming Motherhood. More stuff on that when it comes out!

The Cover of Love Rebel! Coming soon to Amazon :)

-Keeping a house in order: Most moms understand where I'm coming from, I think. According to my husband, I'm anal when it comes to housekeeping. A minimum of three hours of my week is spent tidying up/cleaning/vacuuming. Not counting grocery shopping, trying to plan half-decent weekly meals and successfully executing the meals (don't worry - I've had many disasters!).

In the midst of the busyness, there have been moments where I long to dive into research projects. I find it fascinating. My hubby is well aware of this, and he's been amazingly awesome helping me through the process. In case you're not up to speed, last year in July I posted an announcement that I was planning to return to work. Well, 10 months later, the search for the 'right job' continues (groan: I sound like a girl looking for Mr. Right - but... that can be a good thing, eh?).


It's been tough. Frustratingly tough. I've been told to stop thinking "what if", and start thinking "what will".  Easier said than done, but thinking in the "what will's" frame of reference is like telling myself I'm going to be an Olympian. It's a lot of hard work - especially where self confidence is concerned, but not impossible.


God definitely has a different plan for me than I have for myself at the moment.  Perhaps He wants me to focus more on Rachel's early education (and boy what a character she is: she loves to count, has her stubborn streaks, and loves giving herself time outs). Maybe God wants me to focus more on Him during this time. All I can really do right now is to let things be as they are and let the pieces fall in place on their own.

The 3,000 piece puzzle that hubby and I did pre-baby: countless hours and lots of patience went into this! (Plus lots of laughs)

All I can really say is that I'm doing my best as a mom, in addition to being a wife and daughter. So with that being said, happy mothers day to me! :) (and all moms should say that to themselves.)